Thursday, September 06, 2007

Balance. Or lack thereof.

At first the transition to full-time working mom didn't seem so bad. Maybe it was because my husband was on vacation and managed the household, made dinner, etc.

Now school has begun and I find myself deeply entrenched in a juggling act.

As you can see, this blog is one ball I've dropped.

I'm happy to be working, to be occupied, to be useful. Making money. However I sometimes feel as if I'm inches from failing at something. I suppose this is an issue for every working mom.

On the first day of school, I waited for the school bus with my daughter at the end of our driveway. Traditionally, The Spider and her family are in their driveway, as well, and friendly greetings are exchanged. This time I chose to be chilly and did not even look over at The Spider or acknowledge her. Later that day when I returned home from work, I discovered The Spider had sent me a hateful email lambasting me for my behavior. My friend Gail suggested I not respond. Gail is a pretty good judge of character (never liked The Spider) and explained that The Spider is seeking a response, any response, that will link us together again. Gail said The Spider is behaving like a jilted lover, disturbingly like Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction." ("I won't be ignored!")

Last year, all those months I worked with The Spider, going to her house to write - those wrecked me. I grew depressed. I gained weight. I neglected housework. I woke up exhausted each morning and needed frequent naps. Since severing my relationship with her, I wake up rested, happy. I've lost weight and had to buy new clothes. I have energy to work full-time and take care of things. The email she sent - her remarks - I felt that darkness, that depression creeping back. She's so oppressive. I must stand my ground. My daughter wrote me a little note that said, "Just say NO!" She gets it.


sue said...

It is true...there are some people who just ooze negativity and drag everyone in with 'em. It makes a huge change in your life when you let them go. I'm glad you made the decision to get away from her... now take your daughter's advice and keep away. :)

Don't worry too much about the blog. We'll still be here checking on you. I understand 100% the whole working mom thing. It is a juggling act that I admire others for being able to do - and glad mine are all grown up!

sallyrogers said...

The working mom juggling act is ridiculous. Cooking, cleaning, reading, talking, healing, kissing, hugging, loving, working... it can be totally overwhelming. You're not alone!

And The Spider can piss off. Your friend and your daughter are both right.

teahouse said...

Yes, your friend and daughter are giving you good advice!!

People like that are seeking a reaction. If you respond, even if it's to say "Leave me alone" the Spider won't see that; all she'll see is that you contacted her. And she'll take that as encouragement to continue the friendship.

Stay strong!! Your post says it all - without her in your life, you're happy and relaxed and rested.

Anonymous said...

Too bad she still lives by you. :(

John Strain said...

The spider needs to spin a web elsewhere. You're free - don't re-entagle yourself.

Hey that comment is almost wortyh of a fortune cookie.

Cher said...

I don't have "spiders" persay.. but I do have leeches.. and I have to learn to say "NO!" firmly. My kids get it too. So funny how the kids know, but the adults don't. Anyway, stand your ground. Don't read the emails. Just put this person in your "iggy" bin and let it be. No one needs to have depression added to a hectic life.

Masked Mom said...

The juggling thing? My dad used to have a bunch of people working under him and his big speech about juggling was that we all feel like we're juggling so many different concerns and responsibilities and the thing we need to remember is that some of those "balls" are glass and require more care and attention than others. The ones that aren't "glass" will just bounce if we drop them once in a while.

Everyone thought that was all brilliant and profound (probably my father most of all) until one man who was having a lot of problems at home and at work called in a panic and said, "Boss, they're ALL glass right now and I don't know how to keep them all in the air."

And as for The Spider--stay strong!

Becky said...

Sometimes, we just need the third-party to see it from the outside and remind us that what we're doing is right. I know it's always hard to be chilly to someone, even if they deserve it.

nita said...

good for you. it's always so hard to stop apologizing and making things 'tolerable' for everyone - but you! stay strong and bravo!