Weekly update, late.

Last week another storm swept through the cities. I was working my late Thursday and when the tornado sirens went off, supervisors herded us into a center room which was open on both sides. Glass from the windows could easily have blown in on us, not to mention we were on the fourth floor. I would rather have gone to a lower level or at least into the bathrooms. Unfortunately the stairs also have windows along one side, so it would be dangerous to do even that. Twice the sirens went off and when that happens, we are to tell callers we are having an emergency weather situation and hang up, log off the phone and huddle together in the unsafe safe room. It was actually kind of fun since most of my last hour of work that night was spent chatting with coworkers instead of taking calls.

Meanwhile, at home, hail that looked like this fell (that's a quarter next to it.):


It didn't cause any damage, but it wouldn't matter if it had because we've already received an insurance check and estimate for repairs from our insurance company for an earlier storm.

We met with a contractor last week and discussed the work we need done: replace roof, siding, gutters, soffits and facia, windows and two doors. Also, I want to cover the support beams in front of our house with material much like guttering material so we'll have white columns rather than weathered rough wood beams, which look tacky. By the time all is said and done, the exterior will make our home look brand new.

At work, I swiftly fell into a groove and began feeling unchallenged. I emailed my supervisor to ask if there was anyway I could be promoted sooner than December (my eleven fellow trainees and I were promised we'd be promoted mid-December.) She said she'd check into it but she already knew plans were in the works to promote all of us as of this October! So only two months at this job and I'll be promoted into a more challenging position - with a pay raise, of course! I'm very pumped!

As for The Spider (aka The Dung Beetle), I have had no interaction with her and I hope to keep it that way as long as possible. My husband continues to wait with our daughter for the bus each morning. I've been seeing a counselor and explained the whole Spider situation to her, how it messed me up. She's been very supportive, offering helpful suggestions and we're working on improving my confidence away from the workplace (because for some reason, I am super confident at work with no self-esteem issues - what's with that??)

This weekend my husband will be at my parents house in Kansas - he's going to the Nascar race. My daughter and I are going to a farm that has a corn maze. I'm excited - I've never been through a corn maze.

That's the latest and I hope things continue to be smooth. I'm enjoying life so much more now.

I'd like to thank my loving husband for all his support. . .

After receiving a text message from my husband today, I realized how much he's helped me with my transition into working full time. He merely texted about arranging some things that I thought I'd have to take care of when I got the chance. I got the text while at work, glanced at it, typed a quick reply and got back to work. And then on my break, I realized he's been such a blessing.

Every morning he walks our daughter to the end of the driveway to see her onto the bus so I can start my day on a positive note without enduring hostility and abuse from The Spider. He starts dinner nearly every night. He grocery shops on his days off. He looks over our daughter's homework and encourages her to help with dinner and housecleaning.

I'm very lucky, I realize. If I had to manage the bulk of those tasks along with working full time and facing off with The Spider, I'd probably be an emotional wreck right now.

Instead, I'm happy and enjoying my job, LOVING being productive and challenged at an honest-to-God-real-grown-up JOB.

I thanked him today and told him because of his help, I'm able to focus on my work and not fret about things at home.

I don't gush nearly enough about him, taking for granted how good I've got it. But I do so appreciate him.

Cat: Missing. Found.

We had a bad storm early this morning: wind, rain, non-stop lightning and thunder. My cat was out since last night and he hasn't come home. We've had him since 1995. He's twelve years old. I want my cat.*



*He came home. Furry brat.

Bridge over IN troubled waters.

I live about twenty minutes drive (non-rush hour) from downtown Minneapolis. I'd taken my parents to the Mall of America and crossed that bridge twice this week. My parents were going to drive that bridge this morning as they returned home to Kansas. I would have taken that bridge to downtown Minneapolis this Monday to attend orientation for my new job.

We're all quite shaken here.

Last night, as my mom and husband were picking up dinner, I decided to monitor the local weather because a storm system was moving into the area. Instead of weather reports, I was stunned to see video taken from a helicopter showing the collapsed I-35W bridge over the Mississippi. I began freaking out, yelling for my stepdad (watching TV in another room) to "TURN IT TO CHANNEL4! No, TURN IT TO CHANNEL 5!" I stood clutching the remote, staring at the TV and saying, "Oh my God oh my God," over and over. Much like I'd done on September 11. Now this tragedy in no way compares to 9/11, except the shock and disbelief and numbness. I had goosebumps all over as I watched the news. When my mom and husband arrived home, I met them at the door. They were grinning and laughing and I asked, "Were you listening to the radio? the I-35W bridge collapsed over the Mississippi!" They'd been listening to Jack FM which isn't really a local station. Then we all stood before the TV in shock, our dinner growing cold.

Not long after that, a thunderstorm hit and our power went out. We sat bathed in the warm glow of candle light, calming down a bit despite the chaos of those hours.

We're OK here. My parents left for Kansas this morning, taking a different route.

Hopefully we'll learn what happened to that bridge. Repairs will take a long time and my husband may even be involved, since he's a phone line repairman and phone lines are strung through piping on those bridges.

We're very sad for those who've lost loved ones. It's a very sad, tragic event. It could have been even more horrendous if it had happened only thirty minutes earlier, during the bulk of the rush hour.

C R A S H.

Early this morning I heard the sound of wood cracking and splitting and then the crash of branches and leaves hitting the ground. It didn't sound horribly loud or like it hit anything important, so I rolled over and fell back to sleep.

My husband is outside now with a chainsaw, cutting up a HUGE branch which fell from our tree onto our neighbor's chain link fence. Earlier he went next door to see if they were home (Sue and Sue are the neighbors), and they weren't. He's cleaning up the mess and plans to fix the fence, as well. Fortunately it's his day off.

My mom finally texted me. She's turned into a wuss in her old age - she only lasted a week before breaking the silence.

Since my house is already clean from having a recent house guest, I invited her and my stepdad to visit before I start my new job. They'll be arriving Sunday. I'm taking my mom and daughter to the Mall of America and maybe, just maybe, she'll buy her grandkid some back-to-school things. You know, to make up for being such an ASS.

Tiny triumphs.

I definitely overreacted about the unexpected overnight guest, I know now. Papa didn't care that the house was cluttered and messy and he only stayed one night.

It's easy to entertain an eighty-two-year-old man. I just showed him my vegetable garden and then all of us spent most of the time on the deck, sitting and chatting. He was content to watch my husband play fetch with the dog or me seed jalapeños, stuff them with cream cheese and wrap them in bacon. We didn't have to take him anywhere and he fell asleep in an upright position on the sofa. A lot.

Friday I quit my job at The Questionable Company. Though I didn't give them two-weeks notice (because I need these two weeks off to get some things done), they were very nice about it and even asked that I come back if my new job doesn't work out. Best not to burn any bridges.

I also discovered that any nutritional supplements, including vitamins in the grocery store, are not FDA approved and contain the same disclaimer that The Questionable Company puts on all its products and ads. So it isn't right for me to judge their product based on the disclaimer. I still dislike the whole multi-level marketing method of distributing that they utilize, but my coworkers were nice and it was a pleasant environment, despite the possible fire code violations of the offices.

I've exchanged a few brief emails with The Spider about the critique group she's setting up and my new job. The silence is officially broken but I don't anticipate anything warmer or friendlier, which is fine with me. I'm happy now, with minimal contact.

Still haven't heard from my mom. It's been a week and one day. I try not to think about it because it irks me so. I feel she's behaving childishly and I wonder if there's only more to come of this from her?

And finally, I've written. My dry spell has come to an end. This morning I added two new pages to a novel-in-progress. It's nothing extraordinary, but it's something to work with, to build on. It's the first thing I've written since April.

The inlaws piss me off. Again.

A few weeks ago my mother-in-law let me know that her husband, Papa, (my husband's stepfather) would be in Minnesota. She told me Papa would give us a call so we could get together for dinner while he was here. The other day, Papa finally called and asked if my husband could come pick him up (he's at his daughter's house, an hour away) this Saturday. I said, sure. He said he'd call back with more details and the time, location, etc.

He calls back yesterday and only during the course of this conversation do I find out he intends to spend the night at our house. After I hung up, I was livid and began rampaging around the house, cleaning like a madwoman. You see, I hadn't expected any guests, let alone an extended visit. My house was a wreck! Toys and debris scattered about every room; a coating of dust on every surface; pots and pans in the sink; dirty floors; filthy bathroom, old shower curtain. I called my husband at work and told him his mother was a marked woman for not telling me Papa planned to STAY with us. And I wasn't even sure if it was just for one night or WHAT. And I wasn't sure where to put him - this isn't a big house. Our guest bed is fifteen years old, sagging, lumpy, uncomfortable. It isn't safe for an 80-something old man to sleep on. And I'd just gone grocery shopping but since I didn't know I'd have a house guest, I hadn't bought mild foods for his ultra-sensitive digestive tract.

I haven't been this furious - nearly punching walls - in a long, long time. Yes, I've been angry, I've been depressed and despondent at times, but this was sheer rage.

Don't get me wrong - I love Papa and because he's getting up there in years, it's important we spend time with him while we can. But I must be prepared. I must have an itinerary! My life has been chaotic, lately, with working, interviewing for another job, dealing with The Spider and my mom and giving my notice to The Questionable Company.

The sad part is, I wanted someone to vent to and my mom would have been my first choice but SHE'S NOT SPEAKING TO ME. So that made me even more angry!

My inlaws tend to do this sort of thing - not give all the pertinent details. I told my husband, "Next summer, we're just showing up in Florida (where they live) and we're going to call from the airport and say, 'Come pick us up!'" They owe us and they are going to pay.

I'm angry. So very angry.

Things were slow today at The Questionable Company, so I had a lot of time on my hands. Time to repeatedly check my cell phone to see if my mom had responded to a text message I'd sent TWO DAYS AGO. Then I sent her another one. Still no response. And she didn't respond to the email I sent on Sunday in which I gently explained to her how I heaped enough guilt on myself for going back to work and could she please not add to that guilt?

My email must have put a bee in her bonnet and if so, then I've got a hornet's nest in mine.

I have so many angry thoughts pinging around in my head, I can't decide where to start. First of all, this silent treatment of hers is not only childish, it's passive-aggressive. She used to pull this crap on me when I was a teen - she'd not speak to me if I'd done something that pissed her off. She'd be sweet to my brothers and totally ignore me. (For the record, she did this to any of us, not just me.) I couldn't stand to be shunned by my own mother, so she won. I ended up apologizing and begging forgiveness. And just like that, she'd be all better and start acknowledging me again.

Now I've already mentioned how absurdly unfair it is, being nagged and guilt-tripped when I've done the best I can do for my daughter, for my family and for my life. And meanwhile, she enables and rewards my brother's irresponsibility.

So she's pulling out her old trick, the big Silent Treatment. She's in for a surprise. I'm not sending her another text or email and I'm not calling her. And I guarantee, she's going to break the silence first. I have the best bargaining chip: her only grandchild. If she wants to know what's going on with her granddaughter, well, by God, she's going to f*cking stop this passive-aggressive bullsh*t and contact me.

I was on a slow simmer by the time I got home from work and the 90 degree temps didn't help. As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed numerous cars were parked in The Spider's driveway. She was having yet another pool party.

Last summer, she plied her way into my life on the hottest days, inviting me and my daughter over to her pool 3-4 times a week. You can imagine how wonderfully refreshing it is to soak in a sparkling cool swimming pool on hot days.

So, this summer, she's given an abundance of pool parties and it's almost as if she's going out of her way to flaunt it in my face. "Nyeah, nyeah, you're not invited into my pool.!" It's not the pool itself I care about. It's her whole attitude - how she used her pool as a way to lure me into a relationship to get something she wants from me. And this year, since she no longer "needs" me, she sees no need to invite me over to swim.

Not that I'd go. It's just the principle of the thing!

By the time my husband got home, I was pacing around, fuming, a thundercloud following me around. I told him that I was sick of women in my life who have attempted to emotionally manipulate me. My mom. The Spider. I asked my husband, "Have I ever tried to get what I want by being passive-aggressive or a manipulator? Am I like that?" He said no, definitely not.

Over ten years ago I briefly saw a therapist. During those visits, she seemed to be trying to make me place blame on my mother for some of my issues. I laugh now when I think how defensive I got, how I told her, "Don't you ask me about my mother - she did the best she could and I will not place any blame on her for how she raised me."

Welllll...how ridiculously naive and ignorant I was back then.

My general practitioner gave me the name of a therapist. I'm leaning towards making an appointment and you can bet the first words out of my mouth are going to be, "Let's talk about the crap my mom pulls on me."

Father and daughter.

I took this in May. I've been tweaking it so I can frame it and give it as a gift to my mother-in-law. It's a very special photo.